


Between the Two

by imissmaeberry



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breathplay, Childhood Friends, Coming Untouched, Daddy Kink, Depression, Developing Relationship, Dirty Talk, Double Penetration, Enjoy the sin, Humiliation, I forgot one, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Kink Negotiation, Mental Health Issues, Mild Painplay, Multi, Multiple Orgasms, Nipple Play, Oral Sex, POV First Person, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Size Kink, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts, Threesome - F/M/M, Well it ends as polyamory??, as if i could write smut and it NOT be daddy kink HAHAHAHA, i guesS??????, i thjink that's it....it's 4 am i'm dying, this is LITERALLY the most self indulgent thing i've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-05-15 20:58:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5799937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imissmaeberry/pseuds/imissmaeberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm in love with both of my childhood best friends. Have been for years. But one - or really two - things lead to another, and suddenly everything is changing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry
> 
> Descriptions of depression and intrusive thoughts below, including mentions of suicide and self harm
> 
> guest appearance by Margaret who I love a lot and helped me brainstorm this indulgence

“I think we should have a party next weekend after finals are over.”

Both boys looked up at me from their respective spots in our living room.

Ushijima pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and stated, matter of factly, “You hate parties. You don’t drink, Katey.” Aone nodded wordlessly and I sighed.

“Okay, sorry Mr. Words are My Entire Life, let me rephrase. I think we should invite a few of our friends over next weekend to eat food and get drunk and or stoned. Yes or no?”

Ushijima exchanged a glance with Aone and the both of them shrugged. “I don’t see why not. Also, you should come up with a shorter derogative nickname. That one takes you too much time to say, thereby lessening its effectiveness as an insult.” Ushijima added, flipping to the next page in his book.

“You’re fucking. You’re something else, Wakatoshi.” I groaned, throwing my hands up in the air and turning to the fridge behind me. “We’ll need to go to the store then.” I tucked some loose hair behind my ear and sighed. “Actually, the fridge is like empty. If we want something other than takeout for dinner we’ll need to go like, now.” I turned back to them, hands on the counter. “I know y’all are studying but like, whenever you’re at a good stopping point we should go.”

“Can’t you go by yourself?” Ushijima asked, not looking up from his book. Aone raised his brows in surprise, eyes finding mine – which I rolled.

“Wakatoshi you _know_ how hard it is for me to carry all those groceries by myself. And we need a lot, because _like I said_ the fridge is almost empty.” I sighed. “An hour or two away from your limericks will do you some good.”

Finally he looked up at me, simultaneously shutting his book. “I’m not studying limericks, I’m studying beatniks.” He stood and stretched, joints popping. “Alright, I’m ready. Takanobu?”

Aone nodded and put a sticky tab in his notes to mark his place. He stood as well, the both of them shifting through the living room and into their room for a pair of shoes.

I smiled and slipped on my own shoes, clapping my hands together as I stood in our doorway, keys in hand and bag slipped over my shoulder. “Alright! That’s my boys!”

I’ve known Ushijima and Aone both since we were small, little children playing at the playground. They’d come to my aid when some other boys had taken my doll, left me crying and scratched up in the sand. Ushijima had come over to see why I’d been crying, and had sought Aone’s help – even then the boy’s face had been fearsome to strangers, a good ploy for Ushijima’s cause of rescuing my toy.

They’d returned it to me shortly after, both a little shocked when I had thrown my arms around their necks and cried out my thanks. “You guys are my best friends now! No takebacks.”

They’d seemed alright with this, both nodding and the three of us exchanging our names. And we remained together after that, through play dates and school changes, the two of them joining volleyball.

Things were rockier in high school, when we finally separated, Aone to Datekou, Ushijima to Shirtatorizawa and myself to Karasuno. It had been hard to make time for us to be each other’s friends, namely because of volleyball, but whenever we could, we spent time together.

And here we were, 15 years after meeting, sharing an apartment and attending the same university.

We’ve all come a long way since then – and if I tried to throw my arms around their necks now, I’d have to jump and throw my arms as wide as they could go, as they’ve both gotten much taller and much broader, towering over me at all times.

But things were good the way they were now. We were all content with our set up. The three of us worked well together. Nothing could have possibly made this any better, I thought.

When we held the party, everything had been according to plan. I’d made snacks and put out drinks and put on good music – so that several hours later everyone in the apartment was comfortably buzzed, except for Aone who didn’t like to drink or smoke with large groups of people and had decided to watch over everyone instead.

I, myself, could feel the lightness in my head and body and felt _incredible_. I had myself settled on a couch between Aone and Ushijima. I watched, mesmerized as Ushijima took a sip from his beer, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed.

“Tosh. Toshi. You’re so pretty.” I mumbled, grinning wide as he looked down at me, cheeks red from what I assumed was the alcohol.

“Thank you.” His eyes were a bit glazed over – he was already on his third beer – but he smiled back and patted me on the head.

“Mmhmm!” I stood from my seat and stretched, felt the glory of my joints popping, surveying the people gathered in our apartment. “Okay! Okay so, so I’m gonna head out to the porch, and I’m gonna smoke some more, if anyone wants to join me, or not, whichever, but I’m uh. I’m gonna head out there and pack a bowl a while.” I was met with quiet groans and waves of the hand, so I shrugged and went out to the balcony by myself.

I sat down in one of the chairs we’d set out there for occasions such as this, pulling a leg up underneath me as I shivered. It was cold and there was a breeze and I wanted to go inside, but I couldn’t risk the apartment smelling like weed.

So on the balcony I stayed, curling in on myself as I packed another bowl. We’d already smoked a pretty good amount – I’d gone through at least 2 grams between all of us – but it had been almost two hours and I could already feel myself sobering up, the lightheadedness and the burning leaving my body.

Couldn’t have that.

I heard the sliding door open and close as I was taking my first inhale, eyes opening as wide as they could when Ushijima sat down on the small wicker couch just across from me, one hand in the pocket of his jacket and the other around an almost empty beer.

I gave him a small wave as I slowly exhaled, smoke leaving my mouth and leaving a pleasant burning in my lungs. “Thank god you came out here Toshi it’s fucking _freezing_.” I stood from my chair and walked over to where he was sitting, carefully draping myself across his lap and leaning with my head against his shoulder. “You’re like a goddamn space heater. It’s not fair.”

He chuckled as I flicked the lighter, taking another drag from the bowl. “Maybe if you’d worn a jacket you wouldn’t have been so cold.” He pulled at the sleeve of my shirt – long sleeved but still thin.

I exhaled and frowned, looking up at him. “Listen here, you. I’m not exactly in my most intelligent mode right now.”

“And yet you chose to smoke _more._ ”

“I’ll stop when I start to feel it again, thank you very much. I don’t wanna come down until after I fall asleep.” I held the bowl up to him, offering, and he took it from my hands, his fingers warm against mine.

I watched as he inhaled, the weed still burning from my last drag. He gave the bowl back to me, holding his breath until his lungs felt hot and ready to burst – exhaling slowly, face turned up towards the dark night sky.

I inhaled once more, longer and deeper than before, thoughts turning hot as I looked up at him. I reached up, taking his jaw in one hand and bringing his face down next to mine. I tapped a finger to his lips and then to mine, before opening my lips slightly and placing them just a hair’s width away from his, exhaling as slowly as I could. I watched, my eyes hooded, as he inhaled slowly. I could feel the air he sucked in, the absence of it cool on my mouth.

“You feeling it, Toshi?” I asked, my own head full of fog and dangerous thoughts. He nodded, eyes falling closed and his hand coming up to brush against mine, still folded against his jaw.

I unfolded myself from his lap, standing for only a moment to resituate myself, this time seated in his lap facing him. I held the bowl in one hand while the other remained on Ushijima’s jaw, holding on as if he were the only thing keeping me from floating away.

I felt like that when I was sober, sometimes.

He looked up at me, brows knitted in confusion and eyes glazed, pupils blown. “Katey…?” He whispered, breath hot against my lips as I leaned my forehead against his.

“W-Wakatoshi.” I returned, pushing my body flush against his as if I was trying to steal every last bit of his body heat. My head positively swam and my body hummed, and suddenly I felt my lips crash onto his, as though I wasn’t actually in control of my own actions. Ushijima went still, mind as glazed as his eyes, and I idly wondered if he could feel the way my heart pounded in my chest.

He wondered the same.

Slowly, _slowly,_ he responded, his warm chapped lips working against mine. His hands, big and rough and warm just like the rest of him, came to rest at the small of my back, overlapping, before he moved them to my hips, pulling me impossibly closer against him.

The way he kissed me suggested that he’d thought about it before – but I’d never kissed him before that moment, for all I knew he always kissed like that.

I thought for a moment about how many others he may have kissed, and felt a pang in my chest that stayed until I felt his tongue creep out against my lip, begging me to open my mouth.

I complied, his tongue moving languidly against mine as my lips parted. The beauty of the situation was that one would think that the alcohol and the weed would have left the senses dulled – but every nerve ending in my body felt _alive,_ on fire where he touched me, and I wanted to burn alive.

He pulled away first, panting, eyes dark. “We should go inside. You can’t survive on my body heat forever.”

And he was right, I was still only dressed in a thin shirt and leggings. I hummed in response, pulling myself off of his lap so he could stand and follow me inside, back to the party.

Except that once we came back inside, the only one there was Aone – in the kitchen, washing dishes.

“Taka, where did everyone go?” I asked, worry creasing my face as I scanned the room.

“Home,” he replied, not looking up from the sink. I immediately began to audibly fret, worried for people’s safety, driving drunk or high or _both_ and Aone looked up then, confusion evident on his face when he reminded me, “Everyone lives in this building.”

Relief washed over me in an instant. In my haze I had forgotten that everyone we’d invited _also_ lived somewhere in this building – it suddenly came back to me that this had been the reason we’d chosen to invite them, aside from them being our friends.

Behind me, Ushijima groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m taking a shower.” He mumbled, heading towards the bathroom. I made my way into the kitchen, lifting myself onto the counter unceremoniously, grabbing a towel to help dry the dishes Aone had already washed.

I watched his brows furrow when the water suddenly got cooler, owing to Ushijima’s shower, but he continued washing, so I continued drying. I found myself mesmerized by the way his hands were moving – slowly, carefully, as if he would break each dish if he pressed the sponge too hard.

“Takanobu.” I said softly, hoping to catch his attention.

That was the thing about Aone. It wasn’t hard to catch his attention.

He was much more observant than people gave him credit for, noticing the subtleties of life much more often than not – the slight hitch in someone’s voice, the fakeness of a smile or laugh, when someone’s eyes linger a little too long, whatever the reason.

His eyes flickered over to me, hands remaining in the sink. His eyebrows went up, his way of asking what I wanted.

“You know you won’t break them.” I said. It wasn’t a question – Aone, ever overly aware of himself, knew that he couldn’t really break the dish by washing it too hard. Gripping too hard, maybe. But he’d always been good at keeping himself in check.

He nodded, turning his gaze back to the sink.

“Takanobu.” I repeated, the smallest whine in my tone. He turned off the sink and we heard Ushijima sigh as the water in his shower gained heat. I giggled and Aone turned to face me.

“You’re amazing, Taka.” I told him, eyes half lidded from the pot and a lazy smile on my face. “I mean it.”

His eyebrows went up again, but his face remained unfazed. After years of knowing me, he knew to expect this sort of thing when I wasn’t sober. He simply bowed his head, not quite a nod so much as an acceptance of my words.

“Come here, Takanobu.” I requested, holding my arms open. He came closer, allowing me to wrap my arms around what I could of him, trying first for his shoulders, then moving them down to his waist. His own hands clasped together behind my back, not quite touching me.

“It’s okay for you to hold me, Taka.” I told him, attempting to pull him closer to me but unable to move his weight. He heeded my nonverbal request to move closer, coming as close as he could, allowing my arms to wrap around him tighter. His forehead came down to rest against mine, arms slowly wrapping around my waist.

Kissing Aone went differently from kissing Ushijima.

When I leaned my head up, slotting my lips against his, Aone had violently jerked – hyperaware, probably, that he had all of his faculties while I did not – and tried to pull away.

I whispered his name, confused, not wanting to pull him back if he was so vehemently against it. “I’m sorry, Taka, I just…I’m sorry, I won’t, I didn’t…Taka please don’t…”

I didn’t realize I was crying until Aone wiped the tears from my cheeks. The emotions writ into his face were unreadable to me, and I was still mumbling apologies, unaware of the way he stared at my mouth.

He said my name to call me from my mumbling, and I blinked up at him through watery eyes.

All he said was “Again.” And it took me a few moments to understand; but once I did, I hesitantly placed my lips against his again, waiting for him to respond.

Aone’s hands left my waist where they had settled and came up to cup my face gently, his lips soft as they moved against mine. His thumbs brushed over my cheeks, slowly, softly, just like his kiss. His hands were warm on my skin, but not in the same way Ushijima’s were.

Where kissing Ushijima had felt like a wildfire, kissing Aone felt like drowning.

The heat was like dipping under the sun warmed sea, being pulled deeper and deeper until I couldn’t breathe, but instead of fighting for the surface I was content to let the water – to let Aone – consume me.

He pulled away when he heard the shower stop, face still contoured with so many emotions it blew me away.

People really didn’t give him enough credit.

“Okay,” I sighed, stretching my arms above my head. “Go get ready for bed, Taka.”

He looked back to the sink – still full of dishes – and raised his eyebrows.

“Takanobu it’s four in the morning, I’m really high and very sleepy, you look exhausted, just leave them soak and we’ll do them tomorrow when we wake up.” I slid off the counter and pushed my hands against his chest, towards his room. “Go put on something comfy and come to bed, Takanobu.”

He nodded and gave in to my pushing, heading into his and Ushijima’s room and closing the door behind him in the same moment Ushijima emerged from the bathroom, wet hair mussed and clinging to his face. He had sweatpants slung low on his hips and I was definitely too high to deal with that.

“Toshi, you and Taka are sleeping with me tonight.” It wasn’t a request, even though both of them were free to deny me. He simply nodded and knocked quickly on his door to let Aone know he was coming in.

I had just finished changing myself when Ushijima knocked on my door, alerting me to their presence.

“Aren’t you going to be cold?” Ushijima asked, gesturing towards my body and the clothes I wore – a thin tank top and tiny shorts.

I looked down at myself and then back up at them. “You two are space heaters. I think I’ll be okay.” I clapped my hands and jumped onto my bed, situating myself in the middle of the mattress.

When we’d moved in, I’d gotten the smaller room since I wouldn’t be sharing, but most of my room was taken up by my massive mattress – perfect for nights like this, when I tried to pass off the need to not be alone as a need for warmth.

I tried not to think about whether they saw through me or not.

I’d lost count of the number of times I’d asked this of them. Although there had been times it had been them forcing their way under the covers.

I needed the both of them like air.

I tried not to think about having kissed both of them as they got under the comforter, each throwing an arm over me.

I tried.

When I woke up that afternoon – it was nearly two when I managed to pull myself out from the covers – I was unsurprised to find myself alone. The two of them had always been early risers, able to go on only a few hours of sleep.

I made my way into the kitchen and saw the two of them sitting opposite the other on the couch, books on their laps. Not speaking, not looking at each other, not looking at me.

Something seemed off, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it had something to do with me, so I ignored it. I poured myself a cup of now-cold coffee and took a grateful sip. “I’m gonna go meet up with Margaret and I won’t be home until late, so you’ll have to make dinner for yourselves, okay?” I opened up the fridge, eyed its contents before continuing, “There’s some leftovers you can heat up.”

I saw them nod, still not looking up. I got dressed and left, hoping things would be better by the time I got home.

After I was gone, Ushijima’s eyes flickered up to meet Aone’s. “I’m going to ask Katey to be my girlfriend.” He stated simply, eyes watching for Aone’s reaction.

Aone jerked, head shooting up to stare at Ushijima. “Why?”

“Do you think I shouldn’t?” Ushijima asked, eyes wide. He’d told Aone his plan because they were friends after all – Aone’s opinion mattered to him.

“Why do you think you should?” Aone asked instead of answering, heart thundering in his chest. _No, I don’t think you should._ He thought selfishly. _Because I’m going to._

“Because I’m in love with her.” Ushijima shrugged.

“Since?” Aone couldn’t believe this was happening. Ushijima couldn’t understand why Aone was so bewildered.

“A long time, I’m sure.” The brunette’s eyes rolled back thoughtfully. “I just only realized it last night, when she kissed me.”

Aone was going to be sick, he was sure of it. “Kissed?” He asked softly, trying to fight the darkness building inside his chest.

“Yes. Just before we came back inside, after everyone left.” Ushijima’s eyes narrowed, brows furrowed as he studied Aone. “Is something wrong, Takanobu?”

Aone closed his eyes, sighing. “She kissed me.”

“ _When?_ ”

“Last night. Just after you came inside and got in the shower.”

They sat staring at each other for a few moments, both of their minds running a million miles a minute, working to try and figure out what had happened.

Ushijima was the first to break the silence. “Do you love her?”

Aone wanted to laugh – they both _loved her,_ but he knew what Ushijima was asking. _Are you in love with her?_ “Yes.”

“Since?”

“Our first year of college.”

Ushijima and Aone both felt something ripping through their chests. A sort of hurt and anger, but prominently confusion.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything? To me or her?” Ushijima asked suddenly, voice soft.

Aone sighed again. “I never thought she’d feel the same. And then…I wasn’t so sure anymore, after last night.” He chuckled, a rough hollow sound, devoid of joy. “I was going to ask her to be mine as well.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Ushijima pressed – he and Aone had trusted each other with so much. To only find out now, years later, about his feelings for their best friend was hurting him. His head was swimming; it was as if he’d never really known anything about me or Aone at all.

Aone hummed, running a hand through his short hair. “Because it wouldn’t have changed anything.”

And Ushijima realized that he was right – if he had known, what would he have done? It occurred to him that he may have been in love for just as long, finally connecting the warmth in his chest he always felt around me with a bigger heat when I’d kissed him.

What the absolute fuck.

“Takanobu…we have to talk to her.”

Aone’s eyes widened – he hated confrontation probably as much as I did – but he nodded. “Alright.”

The two of them returned to their silence and their notes.

-

“What do you _mean_ you kissed _both_ of them?”

“Margaret, listen, I couldn’t help it, I was _so_ baked and they were both so close and I just. I couldn’t take it anymore!”

Margaret sighed, rubbing her eyes with her hands. “Katey. Katey what are you going to do? You know Ushijima is going to say something to you about this. He’s going to say something to _Aone_ about this and it’s going to come out that you’ve kissed both of them. They’re each other’s best friends too, Katey, what if you tear them apart?”

“I’ve thought about that, trust me!” I cried. “Why do you think I never made a move? I love them both so much, Margaret. I just…I thought I would be okay just being friends with them as long as we were all still together but… _god, what have I done_?”

“Smoke with me?”

“Jesus fuck, _please._ ”

-

When I returned to our apartment later that night, I found very little had changed. Aone and Ushijima were still on the couch, now with empty takeout containers on the coffee table, and their notes were gone but they were still talking.

I noticed how they both looked incredibly tense.

“Katey?” Ushijima called, having heard the door open and close. “Come here?”

It wasn’t really a question. My heart lurched.

I gulped, hanging my coat on the hook by the door and toeing out of my shoes and walking slowly into the living room. They both looked up at me expectantly, and Ushijima asked me if I wanted to sit.

I shook my head.

“Katey.”

“Wakatoshi.”

“We’re just very confused, Katey.”

“I can imagine.” I whispered. I couldn’t believe this was happening. My world was about to come crashing down around me.

“We just want to know why you kissed both of us.” Ushijima’s voice was earnest; he hoped he didn’t sound as sad and hurt as he felt.

I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.

This was happening.

“Because I was high. Because I couldn’t stop myself. Because I had to know what it felt like to kiss you, both of you, before I went insane.”

They both exchanged a look that I didn’t see. I refused to open my eyes.

“Katey, what is that supposed to _mean_?” I knew he didn’t mean to sound angry, I knew Ushijima was just frustrated because he was confused and I had been selfish and I had fucked everything up.

Aone sat there, eyes wide, silent. Tears began to fall down my face and I could feel my throat closing up.

“Please, Wakatoshi. Takanobu.”

“We’re just trying to understand! Did the kisses mean _anything_ to you?”

 _He’s frustrated_ , I told myself. _He’s not angry. He just sounds angry_. Tears were flowing quickly from my still-closed eyes, and my chest heaved over a sob.

“Of course they did.” I whispered. “How…how could they not?” I sobbed again, and I heard Aone – I knew it was Aone – shift uncomfortably on the couch.

“Then _why both of us_?”

I had hoped I’d never have to do this.

“ _Because I’m in love with both of you._ ” I whispered. I opened my eyes, and even through my tears I could see the matching looks of shock on their faces, the way they looked at each other and then back to me. “And I understand if you hate me now because I’ve ruined our friendship, and I’ve been trying to keep myself in check but _god_ I’ve loved you both for so _long_ , since high school, and I’m just, I’m sorry, I can’t…” I couldn’t see anything through my tears now, nothing but vague shapes moving off the couch and towards me.

“Please don’t.” I sobbed, turning away from both of them. “I can’t do this right now, please, I…I’ll be back.”

Ushijima watched, arm outstretched, as I made my way back to the door, pulling my coat and shoes back on, so tempted to pull me back and make me stay. He wanted to call my name, to hold me tight and brush the tears from my face.

He stood frozen and watched me go, turning to Aone after I slammed the door shut behind me. Aone’s eyes were wide and his features laced with worry and shock.

I didn’t go anywhere in particular. With the holidays so close the streets were full of people, too single-minded to notice the tear stains on my cheeks and the ones that flooded my eyes.

 _See?_ My mind whispered, dripping with venom. _No one cares about you._ No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening now. I hadn’t been gone long, if I went back now – _They don’t care about you. They never did._

My chest felt so heavy, and I suddenly felt very wrong in my skin, and despite everything my head was telling me – both the Bad thoughts and the rational ones – I turned around and went home.

Just like before, when I opened the door the two of them were still in the living room. Aone was sprawled along the couch and Ushijima was pacing.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“Eight. _Eight._ ” I managed to get out, and suddenly the two of them were hurtling toward me in the tiny space, Ushijima taking me into his arms and bringing me into the kitchen, setting me down onto the counter. Aone got me a glass of water; I couldn’t stop crying long enough to drink it.

_You’re worthless, good for nothing, you’ve ruined it all. Now they won’t even want you as their **friend**_

“Please,” I wailed, face hot and hands grabbing at nothing.

_The knives are right there, just go ahead, end it all, they don’t care_

“Not here, not here, not here,” I moaned, fingers flexing with the need to _hurt_. Ushijima took my coat off before throwing it to the floor and taking me back into his arms, carrying me like a child back to my room.

“Lights?” Aone asked, his voice small.

“On.” I gasped, “On, please, I need to see.” Ushijima sat on the bed with me in his lap, his hands gently pulling my hair out from the bun I’d put it in and running his fingers through it. Aone sat beside him – I was facing him from my position in Ushijima’s lap – and held my hands tightly in his.

“Katey.” It was Ushijima who spoke, resting his chin on my head. I took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to take in the familiar smells of the two of them – Ushijima’s body wash that smelled of cinnamon and apples, the spearmint gum he always chewed; Aone smelled like the candles he always had burning, smelled like the forest and rain and home, like the green tea he drank more often than not.

It wasn’t helping.

“N-nine.” I whispered, shutting my eyes, willing, begging for it to stop. The voice in my head continued, I tried to pull my hands from Aone’s, desperate to hurt myself, to give in to the voice and make it stop. He simply held my hands tighter, leaning forward and laying his head on my shoulder, whispering “Please,” into my neck.

The tears came harder.

“You have a kind heart.” Ushijima spoke, fingers still moving through my hair. “You care so much about people, even when you pretend not to. You’re so easy for people to love.”

_he’s lying_

“M-more.” I begged.

“Your smile is like sunshine. You always bake too many cookies on purpose to take to the little old lady at the end of the hall, even if you try to convince us otherwise. You’re stubborn but it’s only because you care so much. You take such good care of us, Katey.” Ushijima’s voice was steady, even though his mind and his heart were not.

“We would be nowhere without you.” Aone confirmed, thumbs stroking the backs of my shaking hands.

The voice became quieter. _they just want you to shut up_

“Your voice is the most comforting sound I know.” Aone offered, and it definitely cleared my head to hear that – of all the episodes I had had, he’d never admitted this to me. I blinked at him blearily, and the voice was gone, but the feeling of wrongness remains.

“You’re beautiful.” They both whispered, simultaneously, and I let out a dry sob. “I need you here.”

The fact that they both said it sent my heart racing in a not-Bad way, and I suddenly flashed back to me slamming out the door not even an hour earlier.

“I’m so sorry.” I mumbled. I knew that the episode had passed – the feeling of Wrong had been replaced by feeling Empty.

Which was always an incredible improvement.

They both let out a sigh. Aone squeezed my hands and lifted his head to look me in the eyes. “Don’t be sorry.” He told me, “This is what we’re here for. When you need us.”

“Both of us.” Ushijima breathed into my hair, hands running up and down my back. “Are you hungry?” He asked, pulling back when he felt me nod underneath his chin. “We ordered you some pad thai, do you want me to heat it up?”

Another nod. I removed myself from his lap, transferring wordlessly to Aone’s.

I felt a sudden pang of how badly I needed them.

“I’m sorry.” I said again, but Aone shook his head.

“We love you.”

“Please don’t say that.” My face pulled into a grimace.

“I mean it.” Aone squeezed my hands again.

“I know.”

The microwave pinged.

“Do you want to go into the kitchen?” Aone asked, soft. I nodded once more, and with me still in his lap, he scooted to the edge of the bed, wrapped his arms underneath my legs and stood, carrying me to our kitchen. Ushijima looked worried when Aone brought me in, after the way I had reacted earlier, but I seemed calm as Aone set me down onto the counter, so he let it go.

Ushijima handed me the plate of reheated Thai food and a fork and it stayed silent for a few minutes, other than the sounds of me chewing. No one said anything.

When I’d finished, I put my plate down beside me and took a deep breath.

“I’m not going to choose between you.”

They both look up at me sharply. They clearly had not been expecting to talk about that so soon after my outburst and subsequent episode.

“Katey you –“

“Please let me finish, Toshi.” I sighed and Ushijima closed his mouth, waiting for me to continue. “I’ve been in love with both of you since we were fifteen. _Fifteen._ I’ve wrestled with myself about this for years, and I can’t, I _can’t_ pick between the two of you. I’m not going to tear myself apart like that – I’ve been in enough pain all these years thinking you would never love me back.”

“Katey, I’m in love with you.” Ushijima breathed the moment I was done speaking, and suddenly he and Aone had come to stand on either side of me, each of them taking one of my hands in theirs.

“Katey, I’m in love with you.” Aone whispered, voice soft and tender, pressing his lips to the back of my hand. Ushijima’s lips were on my neck and I didn’t know what was happening.

“Wh-what are you two doing?”

They both pulled back and exchanged a glance, then looked back to me. Ushijima smiled softly and it was like I was falling for him all over again, for that same sweet boy who’d saved my doll when we were children.

“We’re not going to make you choose, Katey. We both love you. You love both of us. There’s no reason we can’t all be together.”

I felt like Ushijima was clearly out of his mind, so I turned to Aone, my eyebrows raised in question and tears welling in my eyes.

Aone nodded. “We just want you to be happy. We’re more than willing to do anything for you, Katey. You _know_ that.”

I loved them both so much. Every time Aone spoke my heart rushed – knowing that he trusted me enough to speak freely, to not filter himself the way he did with the rest of the world.

I considered this for a few moments.

“Please,” I begged softly, “kiss me. Both of you.”

They were more than happy to oblige.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sweats*

Going anywhere outside in the middle of winter was always a terrible idea.

But when it snowed, and when the winds were fierce, it was just that much worse.

I’d never been more thankful that a class had been cancelled for the afternoon as I made my way home from campus, face buried into my scarf and hands shoved deep into my pockets.

The apartment was beautifully warm once I made it inside, and I let out a small sigh as I removed my coat and shoes, setting my hat, glove and bags onto the shelf we kept by the door. I walked into the kitchen, shaking my arms in an attempt to will the cold out of my bones. I set the kettle onto the stove for tea, and I was reaching for a mug when I heard it.

A long, deep moan from the bedroom. I could feel heat rising to my cheeks – it had definitely been Aone that had moaned, and I didn’t want to possibly interrupt his _alone time_.

But then I remembered that Aone and Ushijima _both_ had no classes that day, and that both of their school bags had been settled near the door, and I felt heat throbbing through my body.

I turned off the stove and walked towards our room, pressing on the door they’d left ajar.

Aone was laid out on the bed, Ushijima kneeling above him with his hands settled near Aone’s head, their lips crushed together. Aone’s hands were gripping Ushijima’s hips tightly, a pressure I was familiar with, as his own flexed up to grind against Ushijima, who let out a groan against Aone’s mouth.

I let out a breathy little, “Oh,” and felt heat rising onto my cheeks and spreading through my body in waves. Both of their heads snapped towards me, and Ushijima’s mouth pulled into a smirk.

“Welcome home, Katey.” Ushijima said, licking his lips – his kiss swollen, spit slick lips. He pulled himself off of Aone and sat down on the bed next to him, legs spread and his shorts doing nothing to hide the bulge he was palming. “Takanobu and I were just warming up. Come here.”

The look of his eyes left no room for argument.

The matching tension and heat pouring off of them was immense as I made my way to the foot of the bed; I was _certainly_ no longer cold.

They both moved to sit on the edge of the bed, Ushijima’s hands coming forward to pull off my shirt and my bra before turning me around to kiss at the skin of my back, pushing me just far enough to put me in Aone’s grasp. Aone’s hands ran along the skin of my hips, inciting goosebumps, before he kissed the skin just above my navel and began to rid me of my jeans. His fingers were hooked beneath the elastic of my panties when Ushijima’s hand shot out and he commanded, voice rough and raspy in his arousal,

“Leave her panties on.”

I looked over my shoulder at him, eyebrows raised, watching as Ushijima stood and came around to face me. “Toshi, why – “

“I think we need to have a talk, Katey.”

My eyebrows raised further, whimpering as Ushijima brought a hand up to squeeze my breast, pinching my nipple. “A-about what, Toshi?”

“About telling Takanobu and I what you want from us.” Ushijima’s hand came up to cup my chin as Aone’s made their way up to my chest. “About being a bad little girl for daddy, slut.”

I felt my face burn as I tried to look away, but Ushijima’s hand kept my chin in place.

“I heard you this morning, in the shower. I know what you were doing, little girl. You thought Takanobu and I were out, so you decided to play with that slutty pussy of yours, and cry out for daddy to fuck you, to make you his whore.” Ushijima’s eyes were blown, his lips a hair’s breadth away from mine. “But you never asked for that, did you, little girl? Of all the times Takanobu and I have fucked you, you never once asked for what you _really_ wanted, did you?”

“N-no.”

Aone hummed as he pinched my nipples, one hand reaching down to rub my pussy over my underwear. Ushijima’s grip tightened as he asked, “No _what_?”

“No, daddy.” My body was on fire; I was so, _so_ hot, I just wanted to be _touched,_ to be _fucked_ , to do whatever it was Ushijima clearly had in mind. “Are you going to punish me, daddy?”

Ushijima nodded as he finally released me. “Over Takanobu’s knee, whore.”

I tried to keep back a shudder as I followed his order, laying myself across Aone’s lap, ass in the air.

“Be sure to count.” Aone murmured, running a hand through my hair.

Ushijima’s hand came down on my ass, quick and sharp; I gasped out, “O-one!”

Ushijima’s hands were always hot; even on the coldest winter days, even without gloves, when I held his hand I felt nothing but immense heat.

The heat of his hands, coming down against me, was like being burned, and I only wanted _more._

Aone’s hands were always warm; warm in the way your heart is warm when someone said something nice, warm like the smell of burning wood, warm when he squeezes my hand as we walk down the street, all three of us, and people stare.

Aone’s fingers continued to card through my hair, one sometimes coming down to rub my back.

The way their hands felt against my skin was heaven and hell, the sky and the earth; I was consumed by fire as I drowned in the sea.

Ushijima continued, the sound of his palm against my ass a sweet, sharp _crack_ that left me gasping, forcing out a number as heat, pain and pleasure all mixed under my skin.

“How does that feel, slut? Are you sorry for lying?” Ushijima stopped after ten spanks, pulling down my panties to see his handiwork. He let out a growl at the sight; my ass was red with his handprints, truly the work of one of the nation’s best spikers.

“Yes.” I mumbled, face buried in the sheets. “I’m sorry, daddy.”

“I don’t know if that’s really true, little girl. Your pussy is drenched. I think you enjoyed your punishment a little too much.” Ushijima swiped his middle finger across my slit, smearing the dripping essence he found there. He lifted his finger to show Aone, saying, “Look, Takanobu, just one swipe and my finger is covered.”

I propped myself up onto my elbows, looking over my shoulder and up at Ushijima, hoping my eyes weren’t as blown as I felt. “N-no, daddy, I really am sorry. I promise I’m gonna be honest from now on, daddy, Takanobu, _please_.” I was unaware of what I was begging for; I knew only that the two of them could give it to me.

Ushijima considered this as Aone helped me up and off of his lap, letting me sit between his legs instead. I could feel his cock at my back, hard and insistent. His lips were at my neck, whispering sweet words as a hand ran down my body, stopping only so one finger could paint circles around my clit. “You really are wet, aren’t you?” He asked, Ushijima grinning as I shuddered.

“Answer him, slut. Tell him how wet you are from having your ass spanked.” Ushijima ordered, one hand coming to grip in my hair, pulling my head up.

“I-I’m _so_ wet, my cunt is wet b-because I like being spanked, I _love_ it when daddy spanks me.” I panted, trying to ignore the shocks wading through my body as Aone continued to play with my clit.

Ushijima grunted his assent, crouching and bringing his face close to mine. “Good, whore. Now, why don’t you tell us what you want? Put your lesson to use.”

Aone slid one of his thick fingers into my cunt, pulling a moan from low in my throat as I ground back against him. “Tell him so we can give it to you.” He whispered, lips kissing the skin behind my ear.

“I w-want...I want to be filled, I want you both to fuck my slutty holes at the same time, I just want you to use me and fuck me until your cum drips down my thighs, and then I want you to fuck me some more, tell me what a dirty whore I am, a-and I…” My voice left me, unsure of what else to say. There was a plethora of things I wanted, things only they could give me, but I felt as though I asked for more it would be too much.

Aone asked, “Is that all?” as he inserted another finger, thrusting them in and out, a wet sound in the air.

“I-I want…I want daddy to choke me.” I whispered, eyes screwed shut. I heard Ushijima take a sharp breath, and Aone’s fingers stilled for a moment before resuming.

“Okay, little girl. I will be _more_ than happy to do that for you, okay?” Ushijima’s grip on my hair released, and his fingers cupped my chin as he leaned down and kissed me, lips soft but forceful against my own. As he pulled back, I faintly registered that Aone now had three fingers inside of me, my hips grinding against his hand of their own accord.

“Does that feel good?” Aone asked, his voice a little breathless – I could feel the wet spot of his precum on the small of my back. I nodded, head thrown back against his shoulder.

“Feels so good, Taka…want more, though…” My own voice was breathy, a pitch higher than usual in need.

“Lie back, let me make you feel good, okay?” Aone placed a kiss on my neck and moved out from behind me so that I could scoot back across the bed and lie against the pillows, Aone laying on his stomach between my spread legs and throwing an arm across my waist to keep me in place.

He took a deep breath and murmured, “You smell so good,” before licking along my slit, tongue flat. The fingers from the hand on my waist came down to hold my lips apart, tongue sliding along between them and the fingers on his other hand returned to their place in my cunt, stretching me open in preparation for something bigger. He lapped at my clit, tongue working it in circles before he brought it between his lips and sucked.

“How does her slutty pussy taste, Takanobu?” Ushijima breathed; he was sitting on a corner of the bed not taken up by someone’s legs, palming his cock through his shorts.

I let out a whine as Aone added yet another finger and brought his head up to say, “Amazing. Nothing better.” before continuing. Ushijima nodded and watched us; my thighs closing in on Aone’s head, fingers catching in his short hair in a desperate effort to bring him closer, to get _more_.

“Do you know what Takanobu told me last night, slut? When he and I were drunk and you were sleeping? That he could eat your whore pussy for hours if you’d let him – keep licking and sucking until you can’t cum anymore, until you’re so oversensitive you physically can’t take it anymore.” Ushijima hummed thoughtfully, considering. “I think we should try that one of these days. Would you like that, little slut?”

Aone moaned against my cunt and I let out a little scream, nodding my head.

The pleasure was just so _much,_ so _good_ , knowing that Ushijima was watching and was hard from watching and was touching himself brought its own electric pleasantness. I was already aroused from the spanking, my entire body just a sparking nerve. “P-please, Takanobu, daddy, I-I want to cum,” I begged, grinding my hips against Aone’s face and a hand reaching towards Ushijima. “Daddy, daddy please can you touch me, I need it so badly.”

Ushijima let out a breath through his nose and nodded, moving across the bed so that I was leaning against his chest. “Where do you want daddy to touch you, little whore?”

I gasped as Aone’s fingered pounded relentlessly against a spot that had me seeing stars behind my eyelids. “M-my nipples, daddy, please, anything _anything_ , pinch them bite them smack them _I don’t care_ daddy _please_.”

Ushijima readjusted so that I was once again against the pillows and he was on his knees beside Aone, looming over me as one hand reached out to pinch my nipple, and the other reared back, the smack coming down against my other nipple in an explosive mixture of pain and exquisite pleasure.

My orgasm ripped through me with a scream, head tilted back against the pillows and thighs squeezing around Aone’s head, back arching, a litany of pleas and whimpers passing my lips.

Aone pulled my quivering thighs from where they’d landed on his shoulders, licking his lips as he propped himself up on his elbows and leaning up and forward to kiss me. When he leaned back and up onto his knees, I could see the wet spot on his underwear, although it was more of a splatter than a spot.

“Do you see that, whore? Do you know what you did? You moaned and whined so pretty and your cunt tasted so good that you made Takanobu cum.”

Aone grunted something low and unintelligible, cheeks burning red.

Ushijima’s hand was slotted at my throat, thumb brushing across the skin, lips pressed to my temple. “How are feeling, little girl? Do you still want to take both of us? Want us both to fill your little holes and fuck you till you can’t stand?”

I whimpered, nodding my head. “Yes please, daddy. Want it so so bad, please daddy, Taka please.”

“Get on your knees so we can stretch you out, whore. You may like a little pain but daddy’s cock is too big to take without prep, right?” Ushijima guided me onto my knees and reached onto the nightstand for the lube, squirting a copious amount onto his fingers and spreading it before he rubbed a finger against the puckered hole between my cheeks, swirling for only a moment before he pushed it in up to the knuckle and I gasped, hips stuttering backward.

“Do you like that, whore? Like the way daddy fingers your ass so he can fuck it with his cock? You do, right, slut?”

“Y-yes daddy, m-more, please,” I begged, hips moving back and forth as he thrusted his finger in and out a few times before adding another, in and out, in and out, scissoring and stretching inside me. I could feel Aone’s eyes on me, and looked up to find him sitting in the chair across from the bed, eyes blown, chest heaving and cum spattered on his thighs. “T-Taka,” I called, “I can’t wait for you to fuck me, Taka. Your big cock is gonna feel so good in my cunt, and daddy in my ass, and I’m gonna be so full, Taka, full of your cock, I love your cock so much, your cock and daddy’s cock, o-oh my _god_!”

Ushijima had taken that moment to put a third finger into my ass, one hand coming down to spank me again, igniting a fire in marks he’d left previously. “Such a dirty girl. A filthy dirty mouth for a filthy dirty cockslut. Fitting, don’t you think, Takanobu?”

Aone simply moaned from his chair, cock stirring between his legs.

Ushijima spanked me one more time, adding another finger and leaning over my back to whisper in my ear, voice husky and rough, “Almost ready, little girl. Your little hole is almost ready to be full of cock. A little bit longer and you’ll be so full you won’t know what to do with yourself.” His fingers were moving in and out with almost no resistance now, aided by the lube and the stretch of my muscles.

When he finally decided I was ready I had been reduced to babbling pleas, begging to be _fucked_ already, insisting that I was _ready_. Ushijima looked up at Aone, asking if he was ready to continue, and saw that Aone’s cock was standing hard and full against his stomach, rendering his question useless. Aone stood and made his way over to the bed, holding out a hand for Ushijima to hand him the lube he’d just slicked over his cock.

“She’s wet enough, Takanobu, you probably don’t even need this.” Ushijima noted before he leaned over my back again, muttering, “Okay, whore, up off your hands. Takanobu and I will hold you up, don’t worry.”

I merely whimpered in response as he pulled me up, the ace’s mouth coming down to bite at the juncture of my neck and shoulder, rough hands holding me up by my breasts, fingers pinching my nipples.

After he slicked up his own cock, Aone slid two fingers over my slit to find that I was, in fact, still dripping wet, and shrugged as he grabbed hold of my thighs, dropping one only for a moment to line his cock up with my pussy, pushing the head in ever so slowly. He then picked up my other thigh and nodded at Ushijima, signaling the go-ahead for him to push in as well.

Ushijima released my chest only long enough to line up his cock, pushing the head in as I moaned and whimpered, feeling so _so_ full already, their cocks not even in up to the hilt.

“Oh, oh, _oh oh oh,_ yes, yes yes, daddy, Taka, please, fill me up _please_ I’ve been so good I’ve been such a good slut for you, oh _please_ ,” I begged, grabbing Aone’s shoulders for purchase as they both thrust all the way in, both of them panting and groaning.

“Fuck, slut, you’re so tight. Your little ass is choking daddy’s cock.” Ushijima panted for a moment, took in a deep breath before saying, “Just like daddy’s gonna choke your pretty little neck.”

I couldn’t stop myself from gasping, my body tightening unconsciously.

The two of them set a relentless rhythm, hips pounding into me as I writhed between them, lips forming syllables but not words, little pleas and gasps and screams at the immense waves of pleasure as they filled me over and over again.

I was so close again already.

“P-please,” I managed to get out, “I’m g-gonna cum, p-plea –” I was cut off by Ushijima’s hand wrapping around my throat and _squeezing_. I was left gasping, eyes rolling back into my head at the way my lungs burned oh so sweetly.

“Do you like that, cock whore? Does daddy’s hand around your pretty little throat make you feel good? How dirty, liking it when daddy hurts you.” His other hand came back to my chest, pulling and pinching my nipple. “I want you to tap my wrist twice if it’s too much. Tap once now if you understand.” He whispered, hold on my throat loosening until I tapped him as requested and his hold tightened. “How does her cunt feel, Takanobu? Hot and wet, just like a whore cunt ought to be, right?”

Aone only moaned in response, his grip on my thighs tightening as his hips moved faster and he leaned forward to take my nipple – the one Ushijima wasn’t tormenting – into his mouth.

I struggled to think past the pleasurable fire filling my veins, flooding through me with each passing thrust, each second Ushijima’s hand restricted my breathing. I could only gasp, little puffs of air as I tried to breathe around Ushijima’s grasp. I had one hand in Aone’s hair, the other around Ushijima’s wrist.

The air restriction had held off my impending orgasm, but it quickly built again, need quaking through me like thunder. My mouth opened and closed in a desperate plea for release, eyes shut tight as I squeezed Ushijima’s wrist, hoping he’d understand that I needed more.

His hand squeezed just a little tighter. Just enough, between the pressure and their cocks pumping into me like I was nothing more than a hole to be used, Ushijima muttering filth into my ears – I was cumming, cumming _hard_ , sight going white with a silent scream.

I was distantly aware of the pressure on my throat releasing, and air rushing into my lungs, of their thrusts becoming even faster, of both of them groaning in my ears.

“What a good little whore, cumming on two cocks like there’s nothing else that matters. What a filthy, perfect slut you are, Katey. Are you ready for us to fill you up even more? Ready to have cum dripping out of you, so you’ll be even filthier? I bet you are – your little holes are just begging for our cum, right, slut?” Ushijima was panting, chest heaving behind my back.

Aone came first, a moan like a roar tearing from his chest, hips stuttering to a stop as he came, head thrown back and pants slipping past his lips. He came much more than the first time – it dripped out of me around his cock, a tiny pool beneath us as Ushijima continued to pound into me.

Ushijima was growling in my ear, hips moving unceasingly. It had been like this ever since we’d gotten together, since we’d fucked for the first time – me cumming at least twice, Aone next, Ushijima outlasting us both; on one occasion Ushijima had lasted long enough to fuck me through a third orgasm.

I was so, so sensitive as he fucked me, leaned forward onto Aone’s chest, the both of us breathless. Ushijima had moved his hands to my hips, grunting, “Takanobu, spread her legs for me.”

Aone quickly followed the command, gently spreading my legs as I whimpered, feeling Ushijima’s cock somehow sinking even deeper into me. He lifted my face by the chin, bringing his lips down onto mine, a kiss soft and sweet as spun sugar, hands brushing the sweaty strands of hair from my face. I kissed him back, tongue moving over his, moans welling in the back of my throat as Ushijima fucked me.

“Fuck…look at you two, so damn hot…does Takanobu’s mouth taste like your cunt still, little girl? Do you like it when he kisses you with your slick on his lips? Of course you do, filthy li-tt-le wh-ore...!” Ushijima’s orgasm surged through him, muscles tensing and jaw clenched, hips moving of their own accord as he spilled inside of me. He panted and moaned, loud and low, hips finally stilling as he finished cumming.

Gently, the both of them pulled out and lowered me on my knees to the bed, watching intently as their cum dripped out of my holes and down my thighs, onto the bed beneath me.

Ushijima took in a heady breath behind me, growling a muffled, “Ours,” against my shoulder. I nodded slowly, breathing out “Yeah, Toshi, yours.”

He huffed against my shoulder, nipping the skin before kissing it. “See, wasn’t that better since you told us what you wanted?”

“Yes, yes, I’m _sorry_ , okay?”

Aone got up from the bed and stretched, arms long above his head. I let out a short whistle, making him blush and hurry from the room. I giggled and Ushijima ran a hand over my head. Aone returned with two wet washcloths, handing one to Ushijima.

“Alright, Katey, as much as I love seeing you dripping with our cum, we have to clean you up.” Ushijima said, wiping his cloth up my thighs as Aone wiped the rest of me – my cunt and my ass, kissing my forehead the whole time.

Once they were satisfied with my cleanliness, and we’d all gotten a drink from the kitchen, we were settled together on the bed – fresh sheets thanks to Ushijima – with me in between the two of them, swimming in one of their sweatshirts I’d borrowed. There were lazy kisses shared between the three of us, and I was asleep before long.

* * *

 

Later, as we were eating dinner, I remembered something I’d been meaning to ask them.

“So how did the two of you decide which one of you was going to be ‘daddy’?”

Aone’s eyes went wide, as they did whenever sex was brought up _outside_ of sex, and looked to Ushijima to answer.

“Well, when we heard you masturbating in the shower, and when we heard you say ‘daddy’, I figured we should discuss it because having both of us be ‘daddy’ would be ridiculous and confusing in the moment. Takanobu said that he liked hearing you say it, but not if it was directed towards him. Which is perfectly fine, considering I’ve been meaning to bring it up to you anyway. Which reminds me,” Ushijima took a bite of his rice, chewed and swallowed before continuing, “How do you feel about being tied up next time, Katey?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh
> 
> come talk to me on [tumblr](http://aonechan.tumblr.com) if u wanna sin i guess

**Author's Note:**

> there is uh.....definitely gonna be some sin after this bc I'm weak.....bury me in baras tbh......come talk to my lame ass [here](http://aonechan.tumblr.com)
> 
> thanks if u actually like, read this I'm so -////////- at myself rn


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